Another Year, hello 2012

Once again, i am welcoming another year. To me it is just another year. Another year of going to school and being successful, hoping to keep making progress in my life towards an amazing life. 


In 3 days, I am leaving for England and I am quite scared of what to expect. It is something that I have never done before in my life, being completely on my own in a completely new place with nobody to turn to for help. In a way this is the time where I am growing up, no more being dependent on others to help me in any way. Sure I'll still have the support of everyone that I love in my life, but it is about time that I do things my way on my own. Yet that is scaring me the most of going abroad. 


This year just crept up on me and it is a surprise to me that 2012 is here already, and yet it is just another year, another month, another day and another hour of my life. It is exciting to be able to do something different this year like going to England and experiencing something new. 


I've been trying to prepare for all of this, yet it seems like I do not have much to say or have any thoughts about my upcoming trip besides how scared I am for this experience on my own yet I am also excited. Hopefully I can update this blog more once I am actually there. 


In other news, my implant has been doing good, where I have become more dependent on the implant than the hearing aid. Wearing just the hearing aid is terrible now where I do not seem to recognize any sounds anymore, but often I do not mind having just the implant on alone where I enjoy the sounds now. I had an visit to the hospital a few weeks ago and was shocked to find that my audiologist left! No more mark! He had taken a job with Cochlear the company and did not tell me until I got there and had to find out from the receptionist! Oh well. So now I have a new audiologist named Melly I think... I cannot quite remember her name. But she was nice and I liked talking to her about everything. No new changes though to the map of the implant, it seems like it has gotten to the point that I am functioning well with it and do not need any experimenting done with it. Though there still could be some changes done next time, we will have to wait and see. But first, England, and surviving 5 months with british accents! 


There is not much more that can be said until I have arrived there, off to London for a few days with my dad then we are heading up to the University in Norwich. I am glad for my dad to be coming with me to help me out with everything and I really hope that I'll manage fine once he leaves! Everyone keeps worrying about me where my parents keep saying that they are worried that I am going to be homesick. Yes that is inevitable but also it seems like nobody thinks I can make it through 5 months there and would hop the plane back and quit this dream of mine! What more is there to do besides making it through and enjoying life to the fullest. 


Anyways, until next time, I shall hopefully be across the pond!
-Annie

England

Hello all,
thought I'll post another one with an update.

Not too many changes with my CI, but I will be in for the test of my lifetime by going abroad for my junior year of college. In January, I am off to England for a semester to study. It has been a dream of mine since I was little, and now it's actually coming true!

In a way, this blog is going to convert to being about England and the reality of how my CI is going to help me out somehow. I was talking to a couple british students studying abroad at my school last week and it was a huge shock to me of how my first few weeks in England are probably going to be my most trying weeks of my lip reading skills and my listening skills. I thought I was able to understand British accents pretty easily, turns out I've been a little off on that considering that most people that I know with a British accent or South African accent have been in the states for a few years now. Though I did feel confident after meeting my boyfriend's mother from South Africa for a few weeks, that I was able to understand her pretty well after a few hours of focusing on what she's saying. And she was a quick talker at times, so I survived lipreading and listening to her without becoming totally exhausted.

There are days where I just am totally exhausted by the end of the day from lipreading and listening, and I hate how people say how can you be tired, I just worked for 8 hours, and you were in class for like 2 hours... For me, 2 hours of class equals 2 hours of lipreading and talking to listen to, is equivalent to a full day of work for me. I feel like some people just don't get that sometimes. Listening comes naturally to hearing people usually, while I am not exactly a hearing person, nor am I a completely deaf person. I am an in-betweener.

Anyways, I rambled off. Back to my main topic of focus of this post, ENGLAND! I am going to be there for 5 months, and I am so excited yet so nervous about being away for so long, and to be in a completely new place with all this jazz on my head. I am crossing my fingers that everything goes smoothly, and that I do not have any disasters relating to my CI or my HA. Ack! I get the feeling there are going to be days where I am completely lost, or days that I am at home with being in England. We just have to wait and see! The Uni I am going to I picked for the reason that they have a good disability service program there and that is a huge factor in any college that I attend. One of the reasons I left URI also, due to the disability program there being jerks to me and putting up a fight with me over everything I needed in order to do well... for example, they gave me the crappiest FM system ever, it was so outdated, and nobody had ever used it since they bought it in 1997? Therefore, it was analong, and also was designed for the senior people to use it, not really for everyday usage in a classroom. Oh and they also had the very nerve to say 'oh you're not deaf...' just based on knowing that I speak very well and can write decently! I may seem like I am a hearing person due to those things, but I still get the whole "accent" thing on a daily basis. It has become quite amusing to me, I am quite curious of what the Brits will make of my accent, if they say "oh! you're american? where from? new york?" I actually got that once when I was in Italy a few years ago... He was surprised to hear that I was from Boston, and started talking in a "Bostonian" accent. It was amusing.

Besides, England. Life is good, just need to start preparing for going abroad, it would be nice to have tips from anybody that was deaf and studied abroad of how to even pack or prepare for being out of my usual environment or having back-ups or someone to go to for emergencies with my 'ears'. Oh well, new experience for me, I'll figure it out! =)

Until next time, probably december since that's when I am seeing my audiologist next.
-Annie

Video Post!

As promised a while ago, I have finally made the new video.

Here it is!

Let me know what you think!

Until next time,

Annie

Rereading

I know I said that I wasn't going to update that often, but randomly I had my boyfriend say that he watched the video of me a lot and thought it was adorable, but I didn't remember what the video he was talking about so I went back into my older posts and watched it again.

He was talking about the video from my second post on this blog. And I was honestly shocked when I watched myself talk again, now this is pre-surgery... I am shocked at how different I sound... Like I talked differently... here's the video once again.

if it works. if not, just go way back in my blog for it. I want to make another video talking soon to show the difference. But don't have the time for that tonight.

It's hard to tell myself how much change has happened since the surgery, and I don't remember what I used to sound like or talk like but the video and other videos helped me remember... and it's a surprising thing to remember. It's as if I got a new accent since the surgery!

My parents have told me that I am speaking better and noticing how certain things are said in different areas, and also noticing accents more and how people accent on words. I wish that more people had the guts to tell me these things or even ask me questions about my hearing loss.

The other day, my boyfriend told me that his friend started asking him questions about my hearing loss and seemed too afraid to ask me directly to learn more about my hearing loss and everything related. It was kind of surprising, but it makes sense due to how people do not want to offend anybody or feel stupid for asking about a disability sometimes. I worked at a job all summer, and it was not until the very end of the summer that one of my coworker finally had the guts to ask me questions. I love getting questions from people that don't know because I rather have people be fully informed about my specific disability and hearing loss rather than base it off a generality. Every person in the world is unique, and that just shows that nobody should be stereotyping even though there can be similar situations, but it still doesn't mean that it's the same situation. Once again, my favorite saying "don't judge a book by its cover" can be used here, where you just don't know what to expect with each and every person and taking the time to get to know each person as who they are instead of being afraid by some intimidation factor and missing out on that knowledge. I guess my intimidation factor is my disability, where people could be intimidated by not knowing what or how to communicate with me or figure out just what I am, afterall I am deaf but I speak pretty damn good for one.

Anyways, I would love to know what people think, leave feedback or anything. I love questions, I love reflections, anything. It all helps me grow as a person to hear these things.

Until next time, who knows when that is, after all I was struck with inspiration!

-Annie

Eek.

I really have lost track of this. But then again, it has been around 6 months since I had to go back to the hospital for a checkup with Mark.

I should have came on to update on my one year mark of the surgery which was june 22nd, then the one year mark of having the implant turned on which was like mid-july, do not actually remember the exact date of it though.

Anyways, I just went for my appointment last week with Mark. It was the usual testing that he does, nothing new to report there. We decided to do a hearing test on my left ear since the last test was december 2009... a super long time ago! and way overdue. Once again the most favorite word of Mark's is "stable" I am the most stable hearing person. No changes with my hearing aid side, no changes with my cochlear implant side. It's all quite dandy.

We did also go to a speech pathologist that day too to just chat and see how I am doing mentally with the implant. The process of getting an implant and learning how to use it requires good mental strength... I have to be strong in my mind of how I really am doing and need to take measures to remind myself of my hearing strengths. I often feel like I am not doing good with my implant and that it isn't making a huge difference in my life. There are times where I have to pull the magnet off my head to remember that it is on, so basically wearing an Implant is easy in how you do not even notice that you are wearing it, which is a good or bad thing sometimes. I like being able to know that I am hearing through vibrations or feeling the sounds in my ear like the hearing aid does. But the Implant is not through my physical ear at all, so it makes it difficult for me to even know that it is on and that I am truly hearing these sounds.

Anyways I was talking about this with this doctor, and she confirmed my thoughts and said that it is tough for a person of my age to pick up the use of the implant quickly, and also I do not have a real sound map in my head since I was born deaf. Most people have that critical period when they are young to hear and learn these sounds for a map in their brain which will help with hearing everything later on in life. I do not have it, so it makes it more difficult for me to even know what I am hearing and have to ask a lot of what i am hearing.

I was feeling a bit down about how my progress was going, so she decided that we should do some tests to see how well i am hearing things. she put these sheets with words on them in front of me and said those words to me without me looking at her and i had to say back what word she just said. I got all of them right... finally she gives me her hardest test which was no visual cues or anything at all, and she asked me these everyday kind of questions and I had to repeat back them. I also got almost all of those correct, just not "how old are you" i said "how are you" instead. but on the second try i managed to figure that out. So those tests helped me feel better and realize that I really am suceeding with the implant more than I thought. My dad was with me at the appointments and he said that he thought I was doing great since getting the implant and it was nice to hear that from him since he doesn't often tell me things like that.

Overall, the appointment wasn't any different.

I do not have much else to report, and I have decided that I have grown tired of updating my blog, so do not expect me to update much more after this unless there's something new. It was useful for when I was going through the process of getting the implant, now it's just about growing older with it and using it.

Until next time, probably not until wintertime which is my next appointment I believe.

-Annie

Appointment update

Wow I've lost track of this blog, and apparently people are still reading it! So I figure I should update...

My last appointment was March 11th, and at this point everything is just staying stable... no new drastic changes. The programs that I have on my remote are the same basic ones, where I have two noise, one focus, and one everyday. They are designed for different types of environments, but the one I use the most is my noise program, it is the most comfortable one for me. I feel like I have not even talked about the remote that I have with my implant ever! Here's a picture of what it looks like:

I pulled up the image that has the labeling of what everything is on it so you have an idea of what it does for me. It's really handy to know the status of the implant through the remote rather than trying to use the controls on the implant itself, which are just two buttons and beeping noises to indicate what program I am on... but anyways I just plugged it into the computer to charge, and checked my volume on all of the programs... I'm maxed out at 10 on all of them... So basically at this point now, I am just working on getting familiar with sounds and voices rather than improving my noise range and stuff like that which was what was being done at the previous appointments.

But if you look at the remote, you can see the different colors indicate different programs, and the one I currently like the best and is using pretty much all of the time is the orange one: noise. I prefer that because it is more focused down in my environment and eliminates a lot of environmental sounds that are annoying and not really necessary for me to hear all the time, it's still there usually but quietened down. The focus (green) program is the more focused program, ideal for one on one conversations in a noisy environment, and you would have the person in front of you's voice made louder by the program to be able to understand better.

The everyday (blue) is the everyday... haha its just everything, no adjustment of softening the environment sounds or amplifying the speaker's voices and stuff like that. It's the sounds just as they are in my head. Sometimes it's nice, sometimes I just get sick of it, and use the noise program.

Anyways, not much news to report on my implant progress... everything is really just stable now and probably will stay this way for the rest of my life. Everyone has hopes for me to get better at hearing what people are saying, and I hope so too. but my expectations are not high because I do not want to disappoint myself if I can never reach my goals of understanding people without the use of lipreading... However I do have some good news on my next appointment, which should be 4-6 months from now, I'll be seeing Mark for the usual stuff and he will also be running tests on my hearing aid side too, since he's now my official audiologist since i got the implant. The other thing I want to mention is that I will also be seeing a speech language pathologist to help with my listening skills at that appointment too! About time I say!

My mom came with me to the appointment, and of course she frustrates me because when Mark asks me questions, she doesn't believe my answers sometimes, but she isn't with me all the time, and has no idea really of my progress. I did realize something after my appointment on my way home that I am starting to feel more comfortable and familiar with sounds in my implant only, like turning off the hearing aid and just listening through the implant. I have noticed that having the hearing aid off does not throw me off anymore, there are times where I had the hearing aid in, but not realize that I forgot to turn it on in the morning and just seem to do fine without the hearing aid. The level of understanding for me is increasing in my opinion, but it does not seem to be reflected when I take those tests in the booth. I kind of feel like it depends on what time of the day I take those tests, if it's morning time, I feel sluggish and don't seem to catch it that good... midday seems to be best for me. So next appointment has to be midday =P

Actually in class on tuesday, we usually have people just calling out terms to be written on the board for review terms. I always sit in the front row and usually just write down what's on the board, but I noticed that I was hearing the terms from behind me and understanding them and writing them down before the writer put them on the board. It was a good moment to realize that I am managing okay to understand people in class, and this is a large class... about a hundred of us or so.

Um... that's all I feel like talking about right now. It would be helpful if people commented on the post with any kind of question or topic they would like me to touch upon in my blog. But other than that, until next time... who knows when that will be?!

-Annie

My job

I realized something today, while I was at work.

I work at the textbook annex on my campus, and I am a cashier, the first type of job I've ever had that involves interacting with customers constantly. I first started this job back in the fall, and was so nervous about my people skills. I remember that I would always get flustered when I actually need to listen to them when I was asking for their information such as phone number and name, etc. If I could not understand them, I started panicking sometimes and just resorting to having them write down their numbers and all that information. Most of the time, I hated being at work because I did not like how nervous I got and how flustered I was with customers. Sure I was new at this, but I still felt that way at the end of working there for two weeks. I kind of wish that I had been working there with both hearing aids, just to know how difficult it would be for me to do all that I do with customers.

But my point is, I realized today, that my cochlear implant has helped me tremendously when it comes to interacting with strangers and asking for their phone numbers and trying to help them when they need it. My confidence level has improved in how my skills are for dealing with customers, like the past two days of work has been good, where I am not having much difficulties with customers, I have not resorted to using pen and paper just to find out something simple like a phone number.

Also, it has been interesting being back at work because at my job, there's always new people every day, and it's fun to get to know a lot of people, even though i may not see them again. I've been talking to a few of them about my hearing loss, and I've been hearing about how other people know certain deaf people and how other deaf people function in the world. One coworker was telling me about how she was in a class, and there was a deaf person there who had an interpreter and she thought it was fascinating how fast the person could sign, and told me of one time where they went to a place, and it had a lot of machinery in the background, and nobody in the class could understand what the professor was saying, and yet the deaf person knew what the professor was saying because the interpreter was standing right next to the professor and could translate everything for him to understand while the rest of the class just stood there clueless of what the heck the professor was saying.

But anyways, I just felt like saying something random and telling everyone about my realization. The other thing I want to mention is that I found another book that is a memoir by a deaf person that seems like it would be interesting to read. I have tried reading "the unheard" by Josh Swiller which I never finished... maybe someday. But the other memoir that I found is called "What's that pig outdoors?" by Henry Kisor, who is a deaf journalist, and it looks like an interesting read, so I may pick it up soon and start reading at it.

That's all for now,

next appointment at the hospital isn't until March, so who knows when the next time I'll post on here,

until then-

-Annie